Monday, October 20, 2008

How to "keep" your husband...

Peace. Ok, before you get your headwrap in a bunch, this is not a blog claiming to tell you how to keep a man/God/husband with you... not at all. I'm the last person for that. In fact, I want to hear from you on your thoughts.

One of the great things about The 14th Degree and Beyond is the "beyond" part of it. We strive to activate cognizance in our readers and contributors to get you to take your degrees off the 4 corners of the page and make them walk and talk with purpose. I pulled this particular phrase "how to keep your husband..." from the 14th degree of the Lost-Found Muslim Lesson #1 (1-14) which asks the question:

What is the meaning of M.G.T. and G.C.C.? and the answer, in part, reads "Muslim Girls Training and General Civilization Class. These are the names given to the women and girls of Islam in North America, teaching them how to keep a home, how to raise their children, how to keep their husband..."

What sparked my blog are a few things - the stereotype that I see far too much in women in how they define "keeping" their husband, builds from the International Earth Conference on taking care of God, and what I have experienced and seen in self and my sisters who fail to take care of themselves within their cipher. It is the balance of these three things (and I'm sure alot of other things as well) that, in MY opinion, define "keeping" your husband.
When I looked up the word keep, I found 36 definitions of the word. The definitions that sparked me were "to be faithful to," "to have or maintain an established position in a relationship," "to preserve," "to stay in accord with," "conserve," "ENJOY."
"Keeping your husband, means you do what you have to so he doesn't leave you" Is this true?
For every 5 women AND men you ask, their experience will reveal that in some cases they (or their woman/Queen/Earth) did everything seemingly that the other wanted and it still didn't work out. There are many that will read that part of the degree and think just that - If this method has worked for you, we'd like to hear from you about your experience and what your limitations of this are, if any.
"Keeping your husband, means keeping your self"
Is this true?
My experience and from other sisters I've spoken to revealed that they are best able to take care of their God/King/Husband and family and they themselves are at their best. Yet, as Original Woman we almost always put ourselves last in every aspect of our lives. This leaves us bitter, tired, frustrated, dissatisfied, and in general chaotic within ourselves, thus not able to truly reflect properly, nor understand God's Cipher. So, sisters, make sure you take time out for yourself to regroup, meditate, have a girls night out, read your favorite book, or even 5 minutes to recharge back to your best... So you can continue to sustain your Original Man.
"Keeping your husband, means to conserve and maintain him and his best interest"
Is this true?
One of the points discussed at the International Earth Conference is how hard it is to get our men to see a doctor, or other health professional, how to get them to refine their diets, or just simply groom their nails. I think that so many times we get caught up in their wants, that we do not pay attention to their needs. We must make sure that we can maintain the skills and tools to be able to proactively identify the medical, dietary, and psychological needs of our counterpart. There are some sisters who have that on LOCK... they are great at truly conserving and preserving their husbands/Gods and learn each and every day from their wisdom.
"Keeping Your Husband, means..."
What are your thoughts on this?

Queen Victorious Lanasia Earth


Queen Refined said...

Peace Queens,

I have been in long-term relationships that haven't lasted due to the fact that ultimately myself or the other person didn't want to work at being "kept"... No matter how much love, respect, reciprocity etc... is present; I have now learned that a loving, lasting relationship requires "work"... not the type of work that you wake up every day thinking..."damn I got to look in this brother's face again"... I'm talking about the type of work that you wake up everyday thinking.. what can I do to make his day a little happier? Not that you have to neglect most definately have to pamper self as well... it's just that each chance I get; I strive to do the "little" things. I'm in no way perfect and I get moody and irritate my God (I'm sure), yet he knows that I love and respect him and I strive each day to show my love... I also tell him. I also still have alot to learn. Any old couple I see and I have the chance to build with; they almost always tell me that they experienced 50 or so years together by "sticking it out" which many of us don't have the tolerance for nowadays. My take on this is that as long as you or your partner aren't abusing eachother... then most anything can be worked out. I know this is a long comment, yet I'd like to share something my God gave to me reagarding healthy relationship tips:
*communication is open and spontaneous (including listening)
*rules/boundaries are clear and explicit, yet allows flexibility
*individuality, freedom and personal identity is enhanced
*each enjoys doing things for self, as well as for the other
*acceptance of self and other (for real selves
*assertiveness: feelings and needs are expressed
*humility: able to let go of need to be right
*self-confidence and security in own worth
*Openness to constructive feedback
*each is trustful of the other
*balance of giving and receiving
*negotiations are fair and democratic
*tolerance:forgiveness of self and other
*mistakes are accepted and learned from
*willingness to take risks and be vulnerable
*other meaningful relationships and interests exist
*each can enjoy being alone and privacy is respected
*personal growth, change and exploration is encouraged
*continuity and consistency is present in the commitment
*balance of oneness (closeness) and separation from each other
*responsibility for own behaviors and happiness (not blaming other)

I read this list every now and then to gage where I am and where he is and where we are together on these things... I can say that we may not have all of these yet, and the on-going goal (because we love eachother) is to be strong in each area of this list... it's not all... yet it's a start. Peace to all the couples striving to stay couples...nobody has a handbook and each relationship is different. Having open discussions on this topic is peace...

The 14th Degree and Beyond said...

Peace Queen. Wow, your thoughts are truly profound and mature, especially in this day and age, when, as you say, the tolerance level for "sticking it out" is not there. It sounds like you and your God have struck a positive balance of "knowing your roles" when it comes to each other, and not just what is deemed the standard in relationship-building and that is peace. We can all learn from that and I continue to learn from the sisters who are constantly striving to "keep" in their own particular way.

Anonymous said...

Peace 14th Degree and Beyond,

I would really love to give insight on how to "Keep" a husband. However, for some odd reason I can't even manage to "get" someone to keep. How would you suggest I go about doing that. I admit I am not very tolerant, especially for BS. I am extremely picky. I get bored quick. And I feel like there aren't many men that qualify or can meet my standards.

Any suggestions? I'm getting old, time is ticking and I can seriously use your help.